The flu, failures, fears and FINALLY Fruit!!

Hi all!! It's been a while since we updated..so,I thought I'd do a quick post to let everyone know how/where we are in the midst of this winter. I call it a winter because it very much feels like that to me...in fact it feels a lot like a Texas winter to me:) Those of you who have lived in Texas or who live in Texas will understand what I mean when I say...one day it may be a sunny, 70 degree day only to come a freezing ice storm the next!!! For me, this whole ordeal has been a Texas winter... one day I feel full of faith and excited about what God is doing (a nice sunny 70 degree day) only to come down hard the next, (I'm ashamed to say) full of fear and doubt (a frigid, windy day with sleet!!). Now...thank God, those days are far and few between, and they were a lot more frequent in the earlier days following the cancer diagnosis. In fact, it is very seldom, now, that I feel the icy clutches of 'cancer'. It definitely doesn't have the power that it once did, but every now and then, those clouds sneak up on me. Now, let me say, Derek...he is awesome! ~my steady and sure ROCK!!

My fears are not in the alternative treatments. In fact, I feel very confident about the path we are on and I have a tremendous amount of faith in the wisdom of my husband. Again, I think the fear is just in getting over the word or name...'cancer'. (I'll say it again though...a fantastic friend reminded me in the beginning of this, and she is so right ...WE KNOW THE NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES!!) I am guessing that I am human, and that overcoming fear is a part of the growing process.

The kids and I are getting over a horrible bout of the flu. EEWW!! I have not felt that bad in quite some time, and hope to not feel that way EVER again!!! I believe this is where the fear crept back in...while I was sick. I was not in the Word, we were missing church, I was not listening to praise and worship music, and I was not praying (other than begging for mercy..hehe!). I thought a lot about if we had chosen to go the traditional route, what that might have looked like, while the kids and I were so sick. Derek would have been in the midst of chemo, and most likely would had to have been hospitalized, away from us, as chemo wipes out your immune system. I thought about how I would want to be with him while he was going through that and about how much I needed him while I was so sick!! I have heard the horror stories of people going through chemo and dying from something as simple as a cold!! And so...here is where the fear came from...imaginations!!! Isn't it strange how something, whether real or not, an illusion...can cause such fear!! In the beginning, I learned to take those thoughts (all the what ifs) before the Lord in prayer and often times to crank the praise and worship music!! Praise is a powerful thing...it's hard to worry with something so small as cancer when you are focused on the glory, and awesome goodness of the Heavenly Father!! As John Mark McMillan so eloquently wrote in the lyrics to "How He Loves", "all of the sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, and I realize just how beautiful You are, and how great your affections are for me!"

Even in the midst of winter there are some plants that still bring forth fruit!!! In fact, my dad was telling me that (I believe) it is the fig, that has two fruit bearing seasons, one during the cold of winter. It is the fruit that comes during the winter season that is considered the sweetest and most sought after of the figs!! It is smaller, but has a sweeter taste after having endured the cold hard winter!! I want to be the fig! I want to survive this 'winter' and still have fruit, in fact I want it to be the sweetest, most sought after fruit! I can not imagine coming out of this 'season' the same!! In fact, I'm sure that God is using this season to bring forth fruit! I know that there are many things that we are learning in the midst of this. I know God is working these things into His purposes. I know so many things are taking form that would not have, had we not gone through this season.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

I know that God is using this season in our life for His purposes. I know that He is using this time to mold us into who He wants us to be. I believe in the midst of this, there is purpose. Not that God gave Derek cancer, but that He allowed this. He allowed this for a reason, He has a purpose and a plan. ("For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11)



I do not yet know all that is to be learned from this, nor am I sure of what ministry might be birthed from this. I am hopeful that there will be some fruit that we will see bud years from now, as a result of this season. I pray that God uses us for His glory. I believe that we are being catapaulted to a whole new level, sprititually. But for now, on a personal level, we are already beginning to see a few buds.

Budding Fruit~

Goodness there has been so many wonderful things being revealed to us that I do not even know where to begin. I think I'll begin with the sweetest...



God loves me! He loves me! He just really does, and that is being revealed to me, DAILY!! I am becoming more and more aware of His unwavering love, every day. I feel it in His word, in prayer, in praise and worship, in books that I read and most amazingly ~ through His people, some of which are strangers to me, but my spiritual family (Thank you so much, loved ones, thank you!!) It feels great! It makes me feel a bit invincible, at the moment; makes me believe that there is NOTHING, that can come my way, that as long as I cleave to Him, I can't make it through. As I recently read in a book, could it be that He has allowed me to come to the end of my own self-sufficiency just to find Him, waiting to have this kind of relationship with me...where I'd be DRIVEN to KNOW Him..the true Him; where I'd FINALLY realize my NEED for Him, and that I would learn to lean on Him and trust Him. In all His goodness, that I can comprehend at the moment...where I'm at in my walk, being human. ( I realize that I haven't yet arrived..but I want to find Him, I desire an intimacy with Him. To know His heart and to trust Him, sit in His lap and rest!) That I would come to a place where I'd NEED to learn of His true nature, not to get something from Him (although, I must admit..I am still pleading my case before Him. No doubt that I want Derek well, and here with me! I continue to ask for that! and of course I should!!), but so that I can rest in that assurance, that what ever comes my way, He will bring me through; that He is enough, in fact, more than enough; that He does in fact, have plans for me, not to harm me;o)



This has challenged me, to figure out what I do believe about God, and His goodness, and the things He allows us to go through, and it's challenged me to know what I believe about healing. I have been driven to find my own answers, not the things I had been taught growing up in a Baptist church (not that any of those things were bad...but to know for myself), and not the things I've come to believe in the charismatic circles (again..not bad, but just to dig to find my own answers.).


Another beautiful thing taking place in the midst of this, is the relationship between Derek and I. Now, don't get me wrong...we have had a great marriage, we've been and continue to be happy, in love and we enjoy each other immensely, but I'm talking about something deeper, something more significant taking form...we are becoming One. We are more of a team than ever! We are learning to listen more, to be more sensitive towards one another. Derek has been extremely patient and understanding. We talk and pray together more. We are talking things out, and walking this out together. It feels amazing. It's very powerful...it feels like ..."where two or more agree upon anything, it shall be done!"~it feels like that. Our time together in Houston, (and in Tulsa, for that matter) although tough, was precious; just focusing on the Lord and one another. It has been a really sweet time for us as a couple.

Finally... Derek has a call on his life. Although, we have not been walking in that call and have set it aside for sometime, now, I feel those gifts and callings stirring ...in the both of us! I don't know what all God has for us...but I know it must be something!! Surely, we are not to go through all that we have for nothing. I believe with all my heart that God is not finished with Derek (nor myself)..I do not believe that Derek has fulfilled his purpose, yet. I believe that there are songs in Derek waiting to be birthed, lessons to be taught, and who (other than God) knows what else...where all of this will lead. Not that we should boast in ourselves, but that we might shine a light into the darkness, share the love of Jesus with others, and to glorify our King!

Well, I'm sure what most everyone wants to know is 'How is Derek?'...sorry it is taking so long for me to get to that!! Derek is doing great! As I said earlier, the kids and I have all had the flu and in fact, passed around a few colds and what nots this winter, but Derek has not gotten ANY of the things we have had. He has NOT been sick at all this winter. He has his immune system built up to such a place, he is just not catching these illnesses that the rest of us are. He is nearly through his 21 day detox (in fact will be finished Tues.), and has been working some of his less agressive protocols...the Budwig diet (cottage cheese and flaxseed oil), and some other things that he takes orally that can make his tummy a little upset, and he has also been applying a topical salve called cansema...that I can only describe as...MEAN!! It is a pretty rough treatment, in that it goes after the tumor/cancer cells from the outside. It does not react anywhere else on his body, but the tumor site (we have tested) and it does not react on me (no cancer~again tested). It makes his leg look as though someone decided to put out a giant cigar on his thigh. We are still, basically in phase one of his treatment...in the cleaning his body preparing it for phase two, which will be going after the cancer in an aggressive way. As far as his attitude, as I said earlier...he is a ROCK!! He is positive and determined!! He is strong willed and brave! He is happy and fun to be around...he's just Derek!! You would never know by looking at him (because he looks great!!) or talking to him (because he is so upbeat!!) that he is fighting cancer!! I am very proud of him; very proud to be married to such a man! I'm blessed, very, very blessed:o)

~Thanks for reading,
Misty